Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
