This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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