hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
