I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
