she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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