Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
