OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
