You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
