I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
