If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
