At least make sure they are 18
Why
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
