Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
