This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
