wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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