The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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