Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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