I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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