why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
