Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
