i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
