i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
