No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
