Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
