Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
