I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
