weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Never underestimate the power of titties
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
