I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
