Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
