then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
