Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
