sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
