these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
