I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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