did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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