forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck appropriateness.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
