We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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