..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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