I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
