her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
