I wanna bring you to show and tell
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
