your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
