Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
