i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
