So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
