I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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