I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
