Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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