I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
