Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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