Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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